What If It rains as the night drops the curtains
Instead of walking you to the door of sleep
You read my eyes telling you to stay
Hiding behind the voice of my heart
What If we sit together On our favorite spot
While you look at the sky
I contemplate your details……
Your eyes, your voice,
the beard on your face
Your smile, your laughter
Your lips murmuring my name
On a dark night
sitting under the moonlight
whispering through silence and smiles
leaving our lips hopeless……away
catching a moment to meet
as the thunder breaks
I feel your strong arms around my waist
your heartbeats, I count your eye lashes
and memorize all of your details
Just for a while
I was a person
I always wished to be
then I woke up from this dream
and entered into a nightmarish reality
You said you will have 4 kids __ two daughters and two sons.
You wanted me to stay single and teach your children but laughing while saying ” no I don’t want a perverty tutor for my kids, you will spoil them”.
You shared your dreams with me.
You had tell everyone ” Hey Listen ! I changed this grumpy rascal into a chatterbox , It was me who took away her frown but she can kick your ass If you hurt me”.
You were a plethora of laughter who had argue with me every time I said ” What If I die before you ” ____ and you would say ” What If I do “……
And You Won……
I pray ___ May your soul be at peace
May your grave be filled with warm and peaceful light
____ It is …. unbelievable like someone told me a joke… Feels like you are still there asking me to pick the white rose stealthily from the garden in front of principal office
Still feels like you waving your hand and yelling ” Moon you idiot, you are late , we were waiting for you “….
I still see those times ___ how you used to put your shoe on a chair to save my seat and complain cz I was always late than the rest…
How can I forget those times , we had sneak into last seat on last period just to have fun while eating mandarins and throwing messages written on papers and pass till professor would say ” I can see you well from this spot “……
Times you fought and argue with seniors for me saying ” She got a bad temper but she has a nice heart ”
You will stay in my memories forever ….. 25April2020
I’m paying
Paying for the sins I committed
What good is this innocence for
I’ve slandered so many people emotionally
I’m paying for all the lies I told
To disconnect from everyone when I was already away from them
What good is this heart of mine for….
When I couldn’t use it for any good
Now it’s living in a hell I created myself
What good is this smile for …..
I’m unable to smile for real in the end
Now a frown has taken over it
What good are my words for
When they only hurt others
I could never be a healer but a torture
I’m living in a hell I created myself
Do you think I would want to live a future cursed by everyone …..
Yes I am crazy one who talk about love
When have never been in love
But would you believe me If I say I’ve experienced it through people’s eyes …. how badly they need it yet I don’t want you to love me for I won’t be able to love you back as I don’t know how does it feels.
I am Maniac who gets Hyper
A selfish being who gets tired of Caring
A little savage yes I feel so much but end up hurting everyone cause I still have no Idea how to get a hold on my possessiveness
Yeah! I know i am damn aggressive and violent and I don’t mind if i have to Run away or to kill
To make my heart feel at peace.
Yeah! I know nothing about people and its like nuisance to me
I accept I am not normal
And I dun mind getting the hell outa here
But……
Why I’m so helpless
I’m chained….
Heartbeats
Faster than
the horse of
A battlefield
A silently
smouldering kiss
Deeper than
Any sea
Your
intoxicating tone
Taking away
my breaths
A spark from
Your searing soul
Teasing my
Sleeping feelings
whisper of your eyes
Like a spade
scintillating
Targeting my
Imperfect heart
laughter, smile and
Glistening eyes
The most beautiful combination and behind It is hiding a heavy amount of pain
You know it’s so rich, so full of life
When you know how does it feel to be sad
To be empty while trying to be happy
Tortured by pain alone with nobody there to comfort
But when they get to see the smile for real on your face; It lit up an unextinguished fire in the hearts ___
I tear off the mask
As I enter my room
Hang the laughters on the entrance
I embrace the solitude
Have you ever felt the intense need of to be alone…….
when i write 