And I……

What If It rains as the night drops the curtains
Instead of walking you to the door of sleep
You read my eyes telling you to stay
Hiding behind the voice of my heart
What If we sit together On our favorite spot
While you look at the sky
I contemplate your details……
Your eyes, your voice,
the beard on your face
Your smile, your laughter
Your lips murmuring my name

On a dark night
sitting under the moonlight
whispering through silence and smiles
leaving our lips hopeless……away
catching a moment to meet
as the thunder breaks
I feel your strong arms around my waist
your heartbeats, I count your eye lashes
and memorize all of your details

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The life I don’t wanna live, makes me want to live it….

I can’t tell anything about myself

What I’ve decided… what’s decided for me by someone for my future….

What the people around me expect from me…..what kinda person they wanna see in me……

Unexpected events happen suddenly…. Like an invisible force invading ….. Sometimes it makes me happy sometimes It makes me ache…

Sometime I just feel like how great is the divine power….. am I being helped out …smth very close to happen, right at the door but It suddenly stops…..

My life…..Its leaves me speechless how It goes on

I don’t have the power

………

So I’ve stopped telling …… What’s the plan for the future.

…… I’m curious to see ……

A little beyond the boundaries

Pious, pure and angelic titles
Behind them hides a sinful damsel
Holding back words that make you sin
On your feet I would like to spin

Hopelessly romantic wild
Behind that mask a devil hides
Your touch sculpting me into a sensual muse
Verses played by you giving me cues

Fragmented seducing kisses as they seam
I let my feelings slip through my sleeves
I hid for long and they were ceased
A gentle stroke inviting lust and love
Complaints, wishes, dreams and a little sigh
A tainted smile on lips and shine in eyes
A sudden hug and I fell from skies
Scattered
Shattered
My pieces thrive
Stripped my Soul
Those ugly scars; yikes
Stitches on heart
Tears in my eyes
The grievous dance in your arms
With painful laughters, echoes and cries
So many screams, an existence full of ache
Soulfully soulless
Hopefully hopeless
reasonably unreasonable
…..

And ……..


Beyond the boundaries
My words start losing purity_

Sayonara (R.I.P)

You said you will have 4 kids __ two daughters and two sons.

You wanted me to stay single and teach your children but laughing while saying ” no I don’t want a perverty tutor for my kids, you will spoil them”.

You shared your dreams with me.

You had tell everyone ” Hey Listen ! I changed this grumpy rascal into a chatterbox , It was me who took away her frown but she can kick your ass If you hurt me”.

You were a plethora of laughter who had argue with me every time I said ” What If I die before you ” ____ and you would say ” What If I do “……

And You Won……

I pray ___ May your soul be at peace

May your grave be filled with warm and peaceful light

____ It is …. unbelievable like someone told me a joke… Feels like you are still there asking me to pick the white rose stealthily from the garden in front of principal office

Still feels like you waving your hand and yelling ” Moon you idiot, you are late , we were waiting for you “….

I still see those times ___ how you used to put your shoe on a chair to save my seat and complain cz I was always late than the rest…

How can I forget those times , we had sneak into last seat on last period just to have fun while eating mandarins and throwing messages written on papers and pass till professor would say ” I can see you well from this spot “……

Times you fought and argue with seniors for me saying ” She got a bad temper but she has a nice heart ”

You will stay in my memories forever ….. 25April2020

Can I stop being so strong before you…..

Can I tell you I’m badly hurt
Heart aches so much that
It might explode
Can I tell you I have had it enough
Now I just want to give it a rest
But I keep on being like this more and more

After facing the world can I stop being so strong before you and cry my heart out…

I Just want to sleep for a while

I dunno when I slept last time with my heart at peace

Cursed

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I’m paying
Paying for the sins I committed
What good is this innocence for
I’ve slandered so many people emotionally
I’m paying for all the lies I told
To disconnect from everyone when I was already away from them
What good is this heart of mine for….
When I couldn’t use it for any good
Now it’s living in a hell I created myself
What good is this smile for …..
I’m unable to smile for real in the end
Now a frown has taken over it
What good are my words for
When they only hurt others
I could never be a healer but a torture
I’m living in a hell I created myself
Do you think I would want to live a future cursed by everyone …..

A smile full of life…

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laughter, smile and 

Glistening eyes

The most beautiful combination and behind It is hiding a heavy amount of pain 

You know it’s so rich,  so full of life

When you know how does it feel to be sad

To be empty while trying to be happy

Tortured by pain alone with nobody there to comfort

But when they get to see the smile for real on your face;  It lit up an unextinguished fire in the hearts ___

Unfathomed

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I tear off the mask

As I enter my room

Hang the laughters on the entrance

I embrace the solitude

Have you ever felt the intense need of to be alone…….

 

 

 

 

I’ll Be a Good Girl….

large (27)That Day _____

I told my mom

“I’ll be a good girl”.

I’ll numb all of the pain residing in my Heart 

I’ll dig a grave and bury it to stop

I told my mom

“Don’t worry anymore”

I’ll get rid of my only desire my only wish and dream

I’ll clench it so hard

It won’t even breath

I told my mom…..

…… I’ll do as you please

But……..

I couldn’t tell her

Please try to understand me

I die every day craving for It

And bury myself at night In silent screams

I kill it every day but it throbs in my heart

Torture me in my smiles and hugs me when I’m about to fall apart

Please ask me once…

How much it’s so hard

______ I’ll be a good girl

 

For     how      long

I’m  afraid ___

 

 

 

 

Real Pain

Do you know……

° what’s real pain ?

It’s Silent and  Calm 

It devours your Voice

You lose your ability

To shout it to the World _ 

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