As If It’s Just a Dream _
What If It rains as the night drops the curtains
Instead of walking you to the door of sleep
You read my eyes telling you to stay
Hiding behind the voice of my heart
What If we sit together On our favorite spot
While you look at the sky
I contemplate your details……
Your eyes, your voice,
the beard on your face
Your smile, your laughter
Your lips murmuring my name
On a dark night
sitting under the moonlight
whispering through silence and smiles
leaving our lips hopeless……away
catching a moment to meet
as the thunder breaks
I feel your strong arms around my waist
your heartbeats, I count your eye lashes
and memorize all of your details
Gone astray as I
Leave behind no
Marks and walk
Like an armour
Made of moonlight
A sword unsheath
In midnight as my
Feet bleed of struggle
I rise in rainstorm
A dance on lightening
With a roar of thunder
I cry out my heart
So full of ache as the
Nature hides me under
It’s wings so wide and
A soul on fire burning
The pain I admire
The scars so velvety
Drunk and dance
I dance In pain In darkness
Away astray stay stray
A wild soul caged
I want to bleed through
Words and cry my pen
Intimates the silvery lines
I can’t tell anything about myself
What I’ve decided… what’s decided for me by someone for my future….
What the people around me expect from me…..what kinda person they wanna see in me……
Unexpected events happen suddenly…. Like an invisible force invading ….. Sometimes it makes me happy sometimes It makes me ache…
Sometime I just feel like how great is the divine power….. am I being helped out …smth very close to happen, right at the door but It suddenly stops…..
My life…..Its leaves me speechless how It goes on
I don’t have the power
………
So I’ve stopped telling …… What’s the plan for the future.
…… I’m curious to see ……
I had
loved you
so violently
but I’m sorry
I’m not destined
to fall in Love
I betray my own feelings ….
I’m not good at choosing words
Some are like bombs throwing at people
Some are so self destructive and I dunno how to protect myself from myself until it destroys a great part of me
You have at least someone to hold your hand when you fall __ I don’t..
I just have criticism waiting for me…
Lucky are those who get appreciated. I don’t even know how does it feels.
If you hold me through those autumn leaves
So tight leaving shivers to my spine
Making me crave for you more as our eyes meet
From a distance I feel myself breathing in you_
Do you think I won’t pay for whatever damage I caused to people’s hearts. How great of a disappointment I have been. That I won’t pay for rejecting love that was offered to me just because nothing comforts me anymore. People’s materialistic preferences make me sick and all I can do is despise them
Every time I made decisions without confronting myself thinking there might be the reason someone who knows me better than me. Someone who’s worth it all. Maybe I dunno but someone can change me. For whom I can put my ego aside but I couldn’t open up my heart. Maybe I’m just destined to stay lost …
I just misunderstood myself… I thought I was too easy…
_____ L o v e _____
People
Aren’t
Worth
It….
Nobody
Loves
You
They
All
____ P r e t e n d _____
You said you will have 4 kids __ two daughters and two sons.
You wanted me to stay single and teach your children but laughing while saying ” no I don’t want a perverty tutor for my kids, you will spoil them”.
You shared your dreams with me.
You had tell everyone ” Hey Listen ! I changed this grumpy rascal into a chatterbox , It was me who took away her frown but she can kick your ass If you hurt me”.
You were a plethora of laughter who had argue with me every time I said ” What If I die before you ” ____ and you would say ” What If I do “……
And You Won……
I pray ___ May your soul be at peace
May your grave be filled with warm and peaceful light
____ It is …. unbelievable like someone told me a joke… Feels like you are still there asking me to pick the white rose stealthily from the garden in front of principal office
Still feels like you waving your hand and yelling ” Moon you idiot, you are late , we were waiting for you “….
I still see those times ___ how you used to put your shoe on a chair to save my seat and complain cz I was always late than the rest…
How can I forget those times , we had sneak into last seat on last period just to have fun while eating mandarins and throwing messages written on papers and pass till professor would say ” I can see you well from this spot “……
Times you fought and argue with seniors for me saying ” She got a bad temper but she has a nice heart ”
You will stay in my memories forever ….. 25April2020
when i write 